Conclusions

Having been back in the U.S. for a little while now, I've had the chance to travel around and mingle with a good variety of people. Always in the back of my mind is a tiny voice suggesting, "rook at differences!" So, for the sake of completeness, here are some hopefully-not-too-cliche observations. For those prone to being offended, I offer the following advice that has served me well: "Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."

After stepping off the plane and back into an American airport, the immediate and undeniably obvious fact is that Americans are absurdly obese. Absurd in number and in proportion. No, it's not breaking news, but considering that we've been aware of it for so long and have done so little to rectify it is appalling. Indeed, more than our ignorance of world affairs, inability to speak other languages, or any other negative stereotype of Americans, the reputation of our corpulence precedes us. It is, after all, striking to anyone who isn't already accustomed to it.

It isn't the purpose of this post to go on about this one point, but I feel it's important enough to be listed first. Not for the sake of our image, but our very health, we have to combat this! The more complacent we are in our obesity, the more culturally acceptable it becomes, and the further we are accomplices to our own decline.

This isn't to say there aren't obese people elsewhere (Japan included), but that train of thought isn't going to help anyone. To draw a comparison, in Japan it was an event to spy a grossly overweight person. A rarity among a mass of daily encounters - seeing people on trains, bikes, walking the streets. It's not that the Japanese are genetically better off, and they don't consciously choose to exercise more than Americans (though urban life offers more opportunities), they just eat better. That's it - that's the big secret. More than any other factor, the diet of the Japanese - rice, fish, noodles, vegetables, tea - allows them to stay slim. There are other helpful factors: in most restaurants, refills are not free; the smallest cup size in the U.S. can often be the largest offered in Japan; and to no-one's surprise, food portions are generally not as large, either.

Give it a try. Incorporate more rice into meals; it will leave you feeling full but doesn't stay with you. Opt for fish over other meats. Substitute a flavorful tea for sugary beverages. Go out of your way to be more healthy - don't drive in circles looking for a better parking spot, park further back and walk. If you watch TV, you can simultaneously practice Yoga or do a stair-stepping exercise. And no, your life is not so fast-paced that only fast-food will suffice. Don't make your body suffer because you're a cheapskate - you'll find that cooking your own food is the most cost-effective way to eat healthy in the United States.

That got preachy fast, eh. On the topic of ingested items, though, alcohol is a big deal in both countries. The drinking age is 21 in the U.S. and 20 in Japan. However, in the U.S. you are asked to provide ID until your hair is white; I've not once seen anyone asked for ID in Japan. Americans have a sin tax on liquor that can make it as much as 20% more expensive than Japan. Sadly, bar prices remain the comparable. At grocery stores, though, Americans seem to have the better variety of wines and beer - especially micro-brews. On the other hand, sake selection is no contest.

As for the use of alcohol in society, heavily indulging in it is a warning sign to Americans. In Japan, it would seem to go hand-in-hand with success in a business career. Walking the streets of a Japanese city on a weekend, one would be hard-pressed not to run into a few cheerfully drunk groups of adult friends or co-workers, an occasional puddle of vomit or two on the sidewalk, and no fewer than five people lying unconscious and alone within a block of the train station. A friend of mine found this phenomenon so prevalent that he's amassed a picture collection of passed-out pedestrians (they're always male, by the way). I couldn't photograph them out of pity, but the most fascinating example I ever saw was a man lying with his back to the ground, head propped up on a bookbag, and a cell-phone held to his ear. It was as if he had almost called a cab to take him home, but lost consciousness at just the last minute. I suspect he rose with the sun and took the train home to a warm shower.

Come to think of it, one of my Japanese co-workers told me he'd come into work Monday morning after waking up along the side of a road. He didn't elaborate if he was in a different city, but he had to make it back to his place in time to shower, change, and bike to work. I asked him if he'd been out drinking alone and he told me that no, his friends were with him. What the hell kind of friends leave one of their group to spend the night alone on a sidewalk or in a ditch? A severely intoxicated group, I'd have to guess. Luckily, the Japanese live in one of the safest societies on this planet, and my guess is this behavior persists because they can get away with it. I cringe at the thought of what would happen if they'd instead passed out in Detroit.

In the States, this kind of thing is usually observed in the vicinity of a university campus or a popular strip of bars and clubs. Girls work harder to balance the statistics, but it may be harder to spot because in the same situation, they get taken home by their concerned friends or exploitative foes much faster than men. Unconscious males may grace any cityscape longer because they appear less vulnerable than their female counterparts.

In spite of alcohol helping people of all cultures to socialize, Americans are still much more apt to approach people outside of their "circle" spontaneously. Both cultures have parties and events where strangers get together to mingle, but in Japanese society, it seems that these sort of events have to be structured. There are parties where people get together with the premeditated expectation of finding a person suitable to date. Now that I think of it, I regret not asking more people where they met their significant others. I dated two girls during my time abroad - both I met at dance clubs. After initial contact, however, dates were instead at restaurants, movies, karaoke, and parks. When asked about dancing, both said they weren't really into it, but it was a good way to go out and meet new people. Although I didn't participate in any club activities, I suspect they serve as one of the most popular way for dates to find one another. I never heard once of co-workers dating (though there was often talk of who was cute or not) - I don't think Japanese office culture would tolerate the idea, and it would be hard for those co-workers to avoid the ever-watching eyes of the gossip machine.

Right, so on the whole, Americans are probably more open to communication with strangers while the Japanese take a mind-your-own-business approach to things. Small talk is abundant in both (especially as you venture into increasingly rural areas), but when it comes to being outspoken, the U.S. takes the cake. Talking in movie theaters is the tip of the iceberg. Shouting at others from your car, or talking back at the TV are easily more Western behaviors. The Japanese usually manage to maintain their composure, even if they're thinking similar thoughts in the back of their head. Even those with high amounts of daily stress from work or school compounded by the strict social expectations, the Japanese somehow manage to treat even the rudest of people with respect.

I think this can be attributed to the difference in culture, and thus, religion. Eastern Shintoism and Buddhism focuses on preserving peace with nature and your social group. Christianity, on the other hand, is more confrontational and full of martyrdom, punishment, and violence in general. Yes, these are generalizations; no, I don't think that impacts my point. Religion might seem like an extremely personal path, but is often simply dictated by your upbringing: if your parents are Christian, chances are you might be as well. If you and your family had been born in the Middle East instead, you would likely be just as whole-heartedly Muslim. Either way, in dealing with others you'd still be prone to fiery righteous indignation, whereas the Eastern religions would leave you feeling more pacified.

No wonder the Japanese have to drink so much - it's the only way they can let loose with what's been on their mind, and nobody can hold it against them because, well, they were drunk at the time. To me, this is also the main reason anonymous BBSs such as 2channel have become such a prominent place for a repressed people to vent their frustrations. To sum it up succinctly, if an American has a problem with you, they will have no problem telling you to go to hell. The Japanese person will smile, treat you with kindness, then go home and write an Internet post about how he wanted to tell you to go to hell. Is either one better than the other? I'll bet you the answer depends on which culture you or your psychiatrist is from.

Since returning, I've approached a lot of things in daily life with this expanded, "it depends" outlook. Even "trivial" matters are rarely black-and-white, as frustrating or inconvenient as that may be. The empathy I've developed while communicating through a language barrier forces me to see things through a minimum of two perspectives, and due to working with people from all over the world, sometimes more. No, I'm not claiming to be some divine emissary of clarity - I'm only human (and an unperceptive male, at that), but it is nonetheless astonishing to see people - from presidents to plebs - so ignorant yet so vainly sure of themselves. Don't worry: we're all in there together to some degree; all we can do is remain vigilant and keep our lamps of knowledge brightly aflame.

If that last paragraph is too "out there," fear not - I can at least say that I've found my calling in challenging people's preconceived notions (not to teach them what's "right" or "wrong," but to illustrate the alternative facets of an issue or situation). Through interactive media, I'd like to help people to be more open-minded at a young age, ideally to the benefit of our increasingly cross-cultural and interdependent world. Think of it as playing Devil's Advocate on a grand scale, but not just to be an argumentative dick. I feel this is one of the best ways I'll be able to "leave the world a better place than I found it."

In the same vein, I've been trying to become more outwardly positive, myself. One incredible aspect of my experience speaking so-so Japanese as a foreigner is that people usually gave me the benefit of the doubt in all aspects of our communication. Misunderstandings happened, of course, but they were never held against me, never used as an example of any ill-will, but just a casualty of my half-baked conversational skills. If you've never experienced this with a foreign language, then likely the last time it happened, you were too young to remember it. Either way, I was very happy that my mistakes were being met with understanding instead of opposition. Each day, there are likely a dozen instances where we judge others' intentions negatively and too quickly - perhaps without even knowing why. Our perceptions never amount to complete information, and that is where problems begin. At the most, we should be inquisitive, not hostile.

If this line of thinking seems like it's setting you up to be exploited, keep in mind that most of the people you interact with aren't going to be sociopaths or con artists. Nope, most of us out here are people just like you - frustrated at the cruelty of the human condition and wondering what it all means. It would take so little and mean so much if we could all calm our selfish tempers and relax our muscles a bit more. Stress won't disappear, but we can't allow ourselves to turn it into a positive feedback loop. No, the way to cancel out that stress is by allowing others the benefit of the doubt. It's surprisingly easy to do - just remember Ghandi's words: "We need to be the change we wish to see in the world."

It's the people wearing suits and smiles in executive offices that you need to watch out for.

Thanks for reading, and take care.